Dark chocolate's okay

I never liked dark chocolate, and I'm not too fond of white chocolate. My favorite was always milk chocolate, from the "bland" vending machine candy bars that you find in convenience stores, to the really good, or at least expensive, imported stuff.

But I never liked dark chocolate. In the past several weeks, however, I find that I've developed a taste for dark chocolate. The flavor's more rich, and I suppose there's less sugar. Maybe now I can appreciate the subtlety more? Maybe if I had a piece of Kit-Kat or a handful of peanut M&M's, they'd be too cloyingly sweet.

It's interesting to me that my tastes can change after so many years.

214... 212... 210

I forgot to say that two days ago I was at 214.

Yesterday I weighed 212.

This morning I weighed 210.

I hope this post will help me stay on-track through the weekend.

No losing, no posting

I guess it shouldn't be surprising that as I'm still in a holding pattern, and not able to stay on the program long enough to really lose any weight, I haven't blogged anything. My wieght has hovered around 212 for the entire month of July.

I think I have to make sure to write something several times a week. That will force me to record my weight, which will force me to stay on-program. While I still check my weight every morning, it's a private matter for me. I think if I write the number here, in public, it will help me keep my resolve. At least I hope so.

The big 4-0

Today I weigh 212, 40 pounds less than when I started. That's like the weight of a four- or five-year-old child! (I don't like that comparison, it's kinda gross, like thinking I have a giant tumor inside.) I graphed my weight-loss as posted in this blog:
That period in May and June was my sluggish Spring, full of fall starts and plateaus. I am proud that the line rarely went up, however, and I think I learned something about how to handle my lifetime eating, once I hit my target. More realistically, I expect I'll fall into old habits, go into Induction for a week. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ads

I enabled ads on this blog out of curiosity. In terms of readership, I really expect this to fall into the "more people read this shirt than your blog" category. While I'm careful not to click on them (don't want to artificially inflate click-thru's and violate the agreement), I do sometimes look at them.

They're all boring. That shouldn't be surprising since the topic is mostly boring. But I wrote once about veins becoming visible, and now there's ads on varicose veins every day. I guess the Google adbots were gratefully for something else to link to. :)

Six weeks, seven weeks, who's counting?

I don't know why, but I am now back on the diet. I never completely left it, it was more of a couple of days on, and a couple of days off. And the off periods weren't horrible, just late-night snacking. I'd eat a couple of Oreo's or home made cookies, a spoonful or two of peanut butter, half a donut, and so on. It even got to the point where I developed a taste for dark chocolate. That's pretty extreme, since I never liked it, only milk chocolate. But now, having been off sugar for so long, I guess my taste buds appreciated the subtlety of the dark chocolate; weird. But I still managed to stay away from the "obvious" carb foods like bread, pizza, pasta.

While I never really gained any weight, I didn't lose any. So after a month and a half, I was still around 222. I will try to be positive about this, and treat it as a learning experience for a life-long eating plan.

After almost a week now, I'm at 216, I think. Or was it 218? It's interesting that I can't remember exactly when I re-started, nor what I weighed this morning. A couple of months ago I was starting to get obsessive about knowing my weight, practically on a real-time basis. Now I don't even know for sure what I weighed this morning! I wonder why? Will things change back after a couple of weeks?

What to do when you fail

Just as I was coming out of my "failure" cycle, this article arrived in my mailbox; the title is very self-descriptive. It's a little too cutesy for me, but the links in that article and the last sentence were good encouragement.

http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=a_lesson_in_failure_how_i_picked_myself_back_up

Starting over

I haven't written much the past few weeks. That's because I basically kept "falling off" the diet, getting back into the program for a couple of days, losing it again, and so on. Enough so that for probably a month my weight never got below 225.

It's a real temptation for me, once the weight starts coming back, to admit that the current plan isn't sustainable, it's not going to work long-term, and that once I regain my enthusiasm or find something that works better, or that fits better into my schedule, I'll start over. Until that happens, pound by pound I soon end up back where I was.

I was able to hold those feelings in check this time. Part of the reason was that I find the Atkins plan enjoyable, so I could end up doing one-day-off followed by three-day-on. (I didn't count, but that's what it feels like ended up happening.) As a result I never put on more than five pounds. If I had ever crossed back over the 230 mark, things might have been different.

I've been back on plan for a few days now, and I weigh just a shade over 220. There are a couple of high school graduation parties this weekend, and I really don't want to lose momentum. I'll try really hard to focus on talking with people, and maybe put a couple of bottles of water (and Crystal light:) in the car as emergency rations.

Thank God for Crystal Light

Atkins seems to make me very thirsty. I try to drink no more than one cup of coffee a day, and no more than one or two diet soda's. No juice, no "real" soda, no milkshakes, etc. That doesn't leave much except for water. I like water, but only if it's really cold. But I also get bored by drinking it a couple of times a day.

Here's where Crystal Light and (and similar products, like 4C Totally Light) come to the rescue. At home there's always a quart pitcher in the fridge with the mix, and at the office I have a package with those clever little packets that you pour into a 12/16/20 ounce bottle of water. I drink one or two of those a day. (I buy one bottle at the vending machine and then use it for a few days before recycling it.)

Veins

Around 40 years ago, when I was a child, my mother had varicose veins. She went to the hospital to have them surgically removed. I still remember the poem sister wrote on the get-well card for here: "when it's time to go to the hospital / it's time to say goodbye / when it's time to get your veins pulled out / it's time to say oh my!"

I was on my high school wrestling team. (I was a mediocre wrestler on a good team. Not surprisingly, I could have been better had I weighed less.) During conditioning, we were always impressed by the guys with the bulging veins in the legs and arms that "popped" while they lifted the weights.

Now, as I lose weight, I am seeing more definition in my hands, arms, and legs. The veins in the back of my hands are more visible, and in my legs even more, and disturbingly, so. I don't know if this looks cool, or is an "oh my!" moment.

Clothing

Around the beginning of the month I bought a two new pairs of pants a couple for my business trip. I had lost around 20 pounds, and figured I was going to drop a couple of inches (40 to 38) off my waist. I was disappointed to find that wasn't the case. While my belts were almost at the smallest notch, I just couldn't fit into any smaller size.

Fast-forward to today. I've lost almost 11 more pounds and the new pants are definitely too big -- even after putting them in the dryer to deliberately shrink them. The belts are definitely at the smallest hole. I no longer need 2XL shirts, just XL. I'm pretty broad-shouldered for my frame, so I don't know if a size L will ever work well, but if it doesn't I'd be quite happy for my shoulders to be the real reason, and not an excuse to hide the real truth: my gut was too damn big.

Wow, more than 30 pounds of me are gone forever. That's weird to think about.

Pork rinds

Near the back of the Atkins book I read, he mentions that pork rinds are a good snack to divert yourself away from potato chips and the like. This weekend I bought a pack; everyone in my family was grossed out and nobody would even try one.

I now know why they're a good diversion: it's negative reinforcement, just like the aversion treatment in A Clockwork Orange. I'm gonna tough it out and finish the bag over the next couple of days, but I won't be happy about it.

There's an interesting thread on this over at http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/atkins-72/490423-pork-rinds-atkins-72-a.html although at times it astounds me. Pork rinds and cream cheese???

Stay out of the house

I worked at home two days last week. That was bad news for the diet.

It is easier for me to stay on-track at work. First, there's the actual work -- it keeps me busy. People often stop by, I'm sitting at my desk on the phone, and so on. Second, the vending and soda machines on my floor don't hold much interest for me.

At home, nobody stops by, and the house has lots of "food" that is very tempting -- cookies, ice cream, bagels, and so on. I tried not to cheat, but it was so easy to get up from the desk, walk to the fridge, and take a "pinch" of something. (Another thing you can't do at work -- colleagues generally frown on you taking bits of their food.)

225; on the fast track, but for how long?

On March 30 I weighed 252; this morning I weighed 225. So for now I'm back to losing around four and a half pounds per week.

It is interesting how much of my outlook depends on what the scale indicates. Since I started I have seen my weight drop almost every day. When it doesn't, I have to take a pause to "explain to myself" that this is common, it doesn't mean anything, and so on. But at some point I'm going to hit a real plateau, or just start slowing down, and I guess I need to start preparing myself for that. I don't want to get depressed and fall off the plan.

Perhaps that's one of the reasons why Atkins recommends moving from Induction to the Ongoing Weight Loss phase, to purposefully slow things down before it happens beyond your control. (I'm sure the major reason to expand the list of things you can eat, so you don't give up out of boredom, but that's not a problem for me yet.)

I should seriously think about going into OWL.

No vita-nutrients for me

I am a true believer in the Atkins diet plan. The reasoning behind it makes sense to me, it's a lifestyle I believe I can follow, and the results are amazing.

Yet for some reason, I am extremely skeptical of the whole vita-nutrient part of it. I look at the Atkins breakfast bars in the supermarket, and when I see that they cost twice as much as a Kellog's bar and the carb count is the same (or within 1gram), I'm bemused. But when I read about the vitamins and the recommendation to buy Atkins Vita-Nutrient, I feel like I'm dealing with a snake-oil salesman.

Done travelling

I'm finally done with travel for awhile. Between the family vacation, and a big trade show, I was away for two of the last three weeks. While I tried to stick to the program, deep down I knew I'd falter and that realistically I just wanted to not gain. That seems to be the case.

The last few days of the show were tough. The water tasted weird, and there's only so much Diet Coke or coffee that you can drink in a day. Between customer meetings and presentations, it was thirsty work. And of course, the speaker's lounge was stocked with granola bars and pastries.

Anyhow, I hope my rapid descent will get back on track in a day or tow.

Bacon grease and other drippings

I figured out a good way to drain off bacon grease so that it can solidify and be tossed out. Put a cupcake liner in a custard cup (or any small low bowl-like thing) and pour off into it. When hard, pull out the liner and throw it out. You still have to wash the cup, but there's much less cleanup.

My grandmother used to pour the stuff into a tin can, which she'd replace when it got full. Thinking of that is kinda nauseating.

Is this how obsessiveness starts?

At around 1pm on Sunday, I had to leave for the airport for a week-long business trip. In all the various running around, I got showered and dressed in a rush and forgot to weigh myself. I got back from various errands around 12:30. I seriously wondered whether I should spend a few minutes of my last-half hour getting undressed, weighing myself, and putting my clothes back on.

I sometimes give half a thought to weighing myself at night.

If there was a foot pad that I could put in my shoe(s) that would accurately weigh me whenver I looked at it, my rational side would have to convince me not to buy it.

But dang, I wish I knew how much I weighed before I went away for a week.

232 and back on plan

I finally stopped my post-trip snacking and got seriously back onto the Induction diet plan. I realized on Tuesday why I had been stuck at the same weight for a few days and blogged about it. I guess I knew, but I finally internalized it. This morning it paid off, and I am close to getting down into the 20's. I hope to be well below 230 by the time I head off on my business trip next week.

Yesterday I was seriously hungry at 6pm, so I ducked out of the youngest kid's "beginning baseball" game, and bought a "McDouble" for $1. Gave the bun to the dog, ate the two small burger patties, and was good to go. Given the ubiquity of burger fast-food shops, I think it will be easy to always find a "burger snack" when the hungry horrors hit.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, to see how the re-dedication pays off.

No make-ups

In other diets, when you cheat you can make up for it by being "extra good" the next day. Have a scoop of ice cream Monday night, and you can make it okay by skipping lunch on Tuesday, or making celery your main course.

Atkins doesn't seem to work the same way. Since you are changing your metabolism to break down body fat, sneaking some carbs can't be compensated by having fewer the next day. As I understand the body chemistry, you just have to go back to following the plan and waiting for those sneaky carbs to be consumed by your metabolism. Only then do you get into that state he calls "Benign Dietary Ketosis."

Losin' it at Disney

I think that except for the display of nations at Epcot, and the independent restaurants (really, "food places" is a better description) at Downtown Disney, all the food served at all the parks is really the same. You can get a pulled pork sandwich, cheeseburger, or chicken wrap anywhere -- at Pecos Bills in Frontierland, or at a refreshmant landing at Epcot. And of course they all come with Fries; occasionally apple slices or carrot sticks as an option. That's a bit unfair, of course, but as a generalization it's valid.

So lots of times I'd order the burger or a salad and leave the bun. And of course, leave the fries to the rest of the family. I did cheat sometimes, having some licorice or granola bar as a snack. But overall I did pretty well, and managed to not gain any weight, staying at 234. For the most part, I didn't feel slighted. But the day after we got home, I turned into a human vacuum cleaner, and ate about four home-made chocolate chip cookies. (Hmm, did that a couple of weeks ago too. Memo to self: when you see the bag of chips on the counter, flee!)

Going away

In a couple of hours we'll be going on a family vacation to Disney World in Florida. This is the first time I've been away since starting the diet. I'm 234.5 right now -- I know I said no 10ths, but I want to be accurate when I come back, Thursday night.

I really want to come back weighing less. I think I'll be okay with it if I gain a pound or two, but I will be really pleased if I can stay on-track with the eating style. Disney has a reputation for crappy food, but I figure I can live on cheeseburgers (no bun) and diet coke. :)

Avoiding the airline snacks may be harder, since you're stuck in a seat and it can get boring. I intend to bring my Atkins book and catch up on inspirational reading ...

Sugar

Giving up sugar has been surprisingly easy. I have about 12 ounces of coffee a day -- either your typical medium while driving into work, or one or two (on the small size) cups. Almost always before lunch. I guess it's more of a habit than anything else, since I forget about it if I'm busy and really in the middle of something.

One morning I just decided to change the "medium regular" to "medium cream no sugar." I don't miss it. After a bit more than a week of this, I find that McDonald's is better and more consistant than Dunkin' Donuts. DD tastes better with sugar than without it. I wonder if that's something they do on purpose?

When will they notice?

So far I've lost about 15 pounds (237 this morning!), and nobody's said anything. At what point will my colleagues and immediate family see a difference? It's a pretty large amount of weight, but I've still got so far to go (ideally down to 190). So maybe it really isn't visible yet to anyone but me, standing naked on the scale in the morning. (Now there's a mental image I wouldn't wish on anyone!)

I'm not really bothered by it. I know that it's practically impossible to notice changes in someone you see every day. But I am curious, in an abstract sense, when people I see every day will all of a sudden see me as looking different.

Easter treats

I did reasonably well this Easter weekend. We had to bring a dessert to the family dinner, and I made a mango cheesecake from a New York Times recipe. I added a banana for texture and taste. The whole thing was awesome.

In addition to about half a slice, I also had too much candy. But the stuff that really tasted the best was the couple of bit-size pieces of crusty bread and butter.

For my sins over the weekend, my weight rose to 240 on Monday morning. :)

How do you like your eggs?

Eggs are a big part of Atkins breakfasts. I thought I would grow tired of them by now, but the combination of (1 or 2 eggs) coupled with (cheese or sausage or bacon) hasn't grown boring yet. I still would like yogurt or the occasional bowl of Rice Krispies, far I'm doing okay.

One annoyance is getting the egg carton out of the fridge. My wife is amazingly organized. She runs the house, makes sure all family and kid obligations are met, on time, etc. She also likes to bake. When she does, she grabs the eggs randomly out of the container. Since it's flimsy plastic, the eggs are unbalanced, and I sometimes wonder if it's going to tip out of my hand, break the eggs on the floor, and give the dog a very nice breakfast. I am nowhere near as organized, probably qualify for ADD treatment, but always take my eggs from the end. More then that, I rearrange them to fill in the gaps so that all the empty slots are at one side of the container.

Hindu's have the concept of the "cosmic egg." Apparently in my house, the egg container also holds the yin for our yang -- the complementary side of each of us.

Cheating

I think that for most people on a diet, "cheating" is a complicated issue. There are all sorts of emotional phrases attached: something you shouldn't eat, checking your weight the next day to see if you got away with it, the idea that you're sneaking the food, and so on. It's very similar to the language used for infidelity. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise: a good diet, like a marriage, should be a lifetime commitment.

I was gonna blog about something else today, but last night I had six homemade chocolate chip cookies. I thought this post would help get me past the emotional burden :)

This morning my weight was up a pound. I wonder if that's a coincidence; I was once told by a commercial weight-loss program that food takes 24 hours to show up as weight.

241

My digital scale goes to 10ths of a pound, but I think that's a "false accuracy" and won't be recording it here.

A pair of pants that for the longest time didn't quite fit now fit better. Instead of sliding down my belly and lodging under my gut, I can now button them squarely across my waist. It's still snug, and there's a definite "tuck in" where they ride across my belly button, but it's a definite improvement.

Changing habits

Starting back in the fall, my youngest son, my dog, and I would have a weekly Saturday ritual. We'd stop at McDonald's on the way to CCD (Catholic religious education class), he'd get a sausage McMuffin meal, and I'd get the burrito meal. He'd eat it on the way there. After dropping him off, the dog and I would go to a nearby park so he could walk around and do dog stuff, while I sat at a bench and ate my breakfast before joining him to tromp through the woods for half an hour.

Now, of course, I can't eat that stuff. What am I supposed to do, pack something to bring? Lucky for me, today was the last class -- first communion next month, gotta start cleaning the house now -- so I don't have to worry about that any more. But still, I did think for a minute how much I'm going to have to change many things that I've been doing without thinking.

American Cheese

American cheese isn't really cheese. Last I looked (years ago), a package of Velveeta called it "pasteurized process cheese food." Ugh. Yet we still buy it at the deli counter, along with the sliced roast turkey, etc., just as if it were something real. But on the plus side, it has no carbs. Cool!

Crystal Light stains

I used to drink one or two soda's a day. Ginger-ale and Coke, mainly. Now I've got to cut out the sugary drinks, of course. Since I get tired of drinking plain water, I started to use diet powdered drink mix and a two-quart pitcher now regularly occupies the fridge. Every day I mix a new batch. I've got to figure how to keep the powder off my fingers because the damn stuff never comes off!

Breads

So far I don't miss bread, although my middle son has been teasing me. I don't think I'll ever miss the typical sandwich bread, but bagels and crusty baguette are another thing altogether. He keeps offering to make me an olive and white bread sandwich. I respond by offering to ground him for a week.

Tuesday

249. I know you need a few days to get an overall trend. But still... three pounds.

I felt really good this morning. I know that's a placebo effect, but I don't care. I'm feeling older and creakier, but less so this morning. I know once I lose 50 pounds my joints will no longer hate me.

First day

First day. Starting weight 252

Yesterday (Sunday) I printed out the list of foods that are allowed during the Induction phase. I took it with me when I went to do the family food shopping. They're having lasagna this week, I'll have hot dogs and sauerkraut. I'm the only one in my family that likes sauerkraut. Olives as a snack? Might as well give it a try.

That was a mistake. Lunch was crab salad on lettuce, snack was about a dozen olives. I had to go home early, I felt really sick, the smell and taste of olives stayed with me. I got home, nearly threw up, and slept for an hour.

I will never eat another olive again.

Starting

I'm 49 and been overweight for most of my life. I've occasionally dieted before, but of course it didn't stick. I seem to be ready now to do something long-term, like however long I have left. So I'm starting the Atkins diet. I started two days ago, Monday March 30. But I have some backlog to clear out.